kaliforhnia:

Texting me is like ordering something online because most likely you won’t hear back for 4-5 business days. 

hazardhanners:
“So smart though!
”

teapotsubtext:

when the solution to a problem is to call someone

neyruto:

im like a shitty anime dating sim…if i talk to six people i gotta immediately go to bed…if i go grocery shopping its half my hp

  • me: *obtains minor interest in thing*
  • minor interest in thing: *bursts through the doors to my brain* my city now

gingerrroot:

anxiety: ur gonna be late!!! get there early

me: *is 15 mins early*

anxiety: no ones here ur in the wrong place!!!

rrozeselavy:

thebraveandmischievous:

rrozeselavy:

so the thing about my family is that we have two ancestors on my dad’s side who were buried in france, where I currently live. one died in the spanish civil war, and one died prior doing…we don’t know what. but he somehow managed to get buried in père lachaise. 

so anyhow, my gran sends me a message like “pls put flowers on ur uncle samuel’s grave because he’s gone over a century with none and it will make the ghost mad if he hasn’t already” because my family spends time in europe but never long enough to go all the way to père lachaise and give ya boy samuel jr. his death rites. so im like “ok gran I can do that” bc im a good grandson and you do not fuck with gran she doesn’t DESERVE THAT 

i figure out which plot he’s on and ask someone specifically where you can find uncle samuel jr. and they tell me where and so I arrive at the junction and. 

HE GONE. 

WHERE DID YOU GO UNCLE SAMUEL. 

*celine dion’s smash hit “my heart will go on” playing in the distance* 

in other words either someone stole my entire great great uncle samuel or he has risen again, ready to party in paris for all of eternity. 

You’re pretty chill about a corpse disappearing.

My guy, my dude, he’s been dead since 1851. He could be anywhere. He does what he wants.

  • private messaging friends: lmaO so anryrywya im fuckgng crygn
  • private messaging someone for the first time: Hello, nice to finally talk to you! It's wonderful that we have the chance to communicate through this messaging service - anyway, enough of me blathering on like a fool, how are you?